Capiche.

- I had the best day today. A picnic in a beautiful big park with my babes and my someone. The weather was cool but the sky was so perfectly blue. I hope winter stays this way.
- My babies are in bed, sound asleep, and I’m snuggled on the lounge with my two year old nephew, who is enthralled in Monster Jam.
- I haven’t been able to spend much time on Tumblr in the last week or so and I miss it. I feel like I just float on here and like a few things and then have to go and do something else.
- All the drama in my life has finally died down. It has been a really disappointing time for me in some ways. When you’re subjected to psychological abuse so often it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that, if there is no physical evidence like bruises, people couldn’t give a shit what happens to you. Not many people understand that that kind of abuse is a terrible head fuck. You’re broken forever, in some ways. Even when you think you aren’t.
- In the same breath, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m in an amazing place right now. And I do keep remembering to stop and smell the roses and think, this is wonderful. And just taking the time to do that makes my mood so much brighter. I still have my days, my frustrations, and my problems haven’t completely disappeared, but my outlook is clearer and I am free to enjoy so much more now. Thats what it really comes down to; I’m free.
- I’m still sore from the accident. Sore back, wrists, shoulders and neck. It sucks but it could have been worse. I’m so thankful Lucas was not harmed at all.
- Since things have been better, I’ve had this strong urge to record my memories more. I’m not sure exactly why, maybe it’s because I want to remember how great things are. I’m taking photos of everything again, I’m going to post to Instagram more, and I’m going to start scrapbooking again. Scrapbooking can be a complete money suck and that, along with my relationship issues in the last few years, turned me right off it. It was pointless to me. But this time around I just want it simplified, basic supplies. I just want my memories and my babies memories put down in an attractive way, and I really need to focus my creative energy. I have a lot of it and I feel like I’m a bit stuck.
- I think I’m going to focus some of that creative energy here and update more since I’m trying to record these memories. I was in a funk where I thought my life was too mundane to post about but, mundane or not, it’s my life! I think it’s pretty awesome, anyway.
- Physically, I’m not feeling myself. Aside from injuries from the accident. Since its been cold, my skin is so dry. I haven’t been able to exercise in ages. I’m tired, and my energy levels are low. I haven’t been eating as good as I usually do. I’m slacking, and really I’m feeling it. Time to make some changes in that area.
- I’m really excited about The Great Gatsby coming out. I’m weary, because its one of my absolute favourite books, but I am hoping its great.

That was long. I’ve been keeping this all in way too long. I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not.

So here’s what I’m appreciating.

- Madison and Lucas
- My children are happy and healthy and amazing.
- We live in a quiet street in a nice neighbourhood where my children can play outside with their friends all day and make the most of school holidays.
- It’s more than halfway through Autumn and the weather is still beautiful.
- I just cleaned up and got rid of my debt a week earlier than planned.
- After the shit I’ve been through, I never thought the day would come where I could say I’m debt free!
- I have someone amazing in my life who still treats me like a princess even when I’m broken and is supporting me through the craziest thing I have ever been through.
- Being on the other side of said crazy thing, it’s nearly behind me.
- Being able to make plans for the future.
- Changing to a more supportive university that will cater to my needs a little more.
- A job I love. Seriously. I love teaching early childhood. So much.
- Feeling like anything is possible.
- So much is going right.

I just got home from work.
Alone.
It’s still 30 degrees.
I want hugs.
I’m tired.
I want hugs.
I need to get laid.
I’m going for a swim.
That’s all.

Warning: probably the longest post I’ve written.

This has, without a doubt, been the biggest year of my life. The two years I had my children (2007, 2010)- especially Madison, since she was my first- were huge in themselves but this year was massive. It has been really fantastic, it has been really awful, it has been full of changes, it has changed me as a person, as a friend, as a sister, as a mother, as a teacher- all for the better. It has given me confidence I had to force myself to muster up. It has opened my eyes in the best way possible.

In true Capiche-blog-style, here’s a list of the things that my year has consisted of, good and bad:

- Watched Madi and Lucas blossom and continue to evolve into two wonderful little people that I just could not be more proud of. They are just amazing.
- Ended a nine year relationship after realising that only I can create my happiness. And being treated like a piece of shit wasn’t what I wanted in life.
- Became a single mother.
- It wasn’t as hard as I expected, because I did everything by myself before I ended my relationship.
- It’s still difficult emotionally, when I can’t just step away for half an hour when I really need to. Physically, because I’m always moving, with the addition of going back to working regularly. Financially, because I’m on a small income but I can make it work.
- Learnt how wonderful it is to constantly have money in my bank account that isn’t being stolen, gambled, snorted, or boozed away. Found that I am actually fantastic with money when I’m the only one with access to it.
- Went back to work in a part time position, in a semi-leadership role.
- In turn, became employed by the state, something which was inevitable but came sooner than I planned (I intended to be employed in the education sector, but instead am employed in the health sector, yet as a teacher. Go figure).
- Learnt to love my body as it is.
- Became more confident in my appearance.
- Took my diet and exercise a little more seriously.
- Lucas had grommets inserted into his ears, which has helped his language develop much more easily. This has really then highlighted his quirky personality even more- my strange, hilarious, yet very very sweet little man.
- Madison is enrolled in school for next year, she saw out her last year of preschool. She is so ready for this huge step, and as much as I don’t want her to go, I am so excited to see her grow through this new stage.
- Established some really strong and beautiful friendships with some truly wonderful people.
- Was blessed with the support of a few of these people and family too.
- Found that people I thought were true friends since childhood, weren’t really as genuine as I thought and are no longer the large part of my life they once were.
- Accepted this, and moved on. Quality over quantity.
- I had to say goodbye to my beautiful giant puppy, Wolfie, very suddenly. I miss him so much.
- Then I had to move without him, it made me miss him even more than I thought I could.
- I fell into an amazing fortune.
- I bought a house with it.
- A great house, in a great neighbourhood, with a great school for my children.
- My lifestyle has already changed, after a week of being in this beautiful house.

I think I have missed so many things. But this year has been incredible and life changing. I’m so ready to keep on moving onwards and upwards into the new year, with a positive outlook, less worries, creating fresh memories in my new environment, with people I choose to spend my time with and are a positive influence on me. No more sweating small stuff, no more letting other people dictate my emotions, no more stress. I have learnt to accept the things I can’t control, and now have the confidence to change the things I can control.

Also, I love ending the year and beginning a new year in summer, my favourite season.

I’m loving life more than I ever have before.

Cheers to an incredible 2013. It’s going to be a big one, I can feel it!

It’s some very good things, it’s some very bad things, because that’s how my week has been.

- Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my beautiful Wolfie. I miss him so much. Every time I go in the bathroom I go to look out the window and see what he’s up to. I missed the sounds of him howling at our neighbours drums last night, as I lay in bed. I missed feeding him his dinner. I just miss him.
- I got my uni results back Friday morning. Smashed it. I don’t know how, because it’s pretty safe to say I wasn’t completely “there” for this semester, but I’m stoked.
- I’m packing up my house this weekend, ready to move Tuesday.
- Keys tomorrow, removalists Tuesday, new furniture delivered Wednesday, work Thursday and Friday. This week is going to be a big one.
- I did the final inspection of the house on Friday morning, and it was so dirty. I’m not pleased. And if it’s still disgusting when I walk in tomorrow afternoon, they will be paying for a professional clean.
- Had such a nice night last night with someone. So many hugs and snuggles, and it was everything I needed. I wasn’t prepared for that level of comfort to actually soothe me, I’ve never experienced that before. It makes me… giddy?
- I need to wash my hair.

- I woke up to a text from my ex calling me a bitch. Because he posted on Facebook last night that he was watching Sin City because he ‘hates the movie but loves the memories’ (it’s one of my favourite movies) he texted me a similar thing, usually I just ignore him but I told him he was full of shit because I was only “allowed” to watch it when he wasn’t home. Dickhead.
- Lucas accidentally called someone (cute) on my phone while I was slightly cranky at he and Madi for fighting and they overheard me. Kinda embarrassing, but that’s life. It was nothing drastic.
- Madi had ballet and it’s at a local shopping centre, as Lucas and I walked through the shops while she was in class, Lucas pretty much stopped in every store and said a very cheery ‘hello!’ to people inside.
- We went to the park.
- We sweat our faces off whilst there.
- I took Madi to buy some air-dry clay at the art shop so that she can make decorations for our Christmas tree. When we got home she watched me open it and rubbed her hands together, saying ‘I can’t wait to get my hands on that clay!’. My little artist.
- Started the settlement process with the house since there’s almost 2 weeks to go!
- Buying some furniture online tonight. Series 7 chairs, you’re finally mine!
- About to start cooking some Cajun/polenta chicken out of Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals that I cannot wait to try.
- Have that weird feeling, when you text someone to be nice because they had a bad day and they text back with an unusual tone and you can’t help wondering if they’re weird with you or just generally not themselves, with two people.
- Would really love a hug or three right now.
- and the days not over yet!

Getting on Tumblr night after night and seeing a lot of negative shit. Come on, guys. I miss the positivity Tumblr gave me every day.

With that said, here is a list of Very Good Things.

- Madi and Lucas.
- Madi is getting crazy creative. Today she made a rainbow line of Christmas baubles out of plasticine. It looked amazing.
- Lucas has come so far with his language. He’s so cheeky and has a quirky sense of humour.
- Someone cute
- Fun nights in
- Listening to the rain in bed
- Uni is over for the year
- Another fun night coming up in this weekend
- Three weeks until I move!
- I am a homeowner! It’s official, but it doesn’t feel official!
- Shopping for furniture
- Shopping for home wares
- Christmas is not far away!
- Finding the BEST presents for peeps
- Online grocery shopping
- Three weeks until I have a pool that I can float in on ridiculously hot days like the ones we’ve been having
- Less than 2 months until Chili Peppers!
- Summer is officially starting on Saturday! With a crazy 40 degree day!
- My amazing little people
- Beautiful friends
- Loving life

- Big Day Out
- Soundwave Festival
- My brother’s wedding
- Christmas
- Short shorts
- Summer dresses and skirts
- Tank tops
- Bikinis
- Thongs (flip flops for you American peeps) (although I do wear them in winter too…)
- Sandals
- Getaways on the coast
- Picnics
- BBQs
- Outdoors, all the time
- Sunny afternoon drink sessions
- Lazy days in the sun
- Beaches!
- Swimming holes
- Swimming
- Sunshine!!

…Let’s be serious, how can I not be so excited for summer?

Can. Not. Wait.

- Scared
- Sad
- Anxious
- Tired
- Nervous
- Guilty
- Lost
- Found
- Alive
- Dead
- Excited
- Anticipation
- Conflicted
- Free?